she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
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