I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
