he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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