I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
