New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
