Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I understand Curling. That high.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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