The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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