If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
You were trust falling into bushes
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
