im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
