I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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