My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
