Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
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