i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
