I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
