barbara walters just said penis...
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
