We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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