I think I can smell my own vagina right now
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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