he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
of course. lets lasso hookers.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
