I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
That accounts for only three of the penises
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
