So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
3pm strippers are depressing
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
