just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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