Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
