Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
