Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Randomize
