Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
