need another drink. this is the easiest way
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
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