I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
