Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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