good thing vaginas are great cup holders
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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