Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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