Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
