I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I am puke
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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