Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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