He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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