You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
