I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
We need to get me chipped asap
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
