i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize