Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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