I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
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