so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
