no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
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He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
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My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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