my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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