so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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