Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
This is the high leading the old right now
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
