I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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