Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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