I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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