i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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