i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
