I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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