i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
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He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
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Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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