No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
