I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
