found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize