if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
you didnt know i had herpes?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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