i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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