We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
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While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
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they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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