Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
