i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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