Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Randomize
