saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
