He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
