We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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