Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
