there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
