so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
