I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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