So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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