Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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