funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
