Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Randomize
