have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
